the great escape from our feeble minds

day 39



I've been busy trying to get done with school work early because I'm flying to Oregon tomorrow! I'm attending a scholarship competition with my future college, plus I get to see the campus for the very first time. I'm incredibly excited and nervous and I really hope I do well and can actually talk to strangers articulately for once.

I had a revelation today in my school's chapel program, and I really wish I had this revelation a lot sooner. I've been so bitter about people who don't care about others, specifically because I've personally been hurt by their apathy. I've been judging people based upon their amount of concern for others (which it's wrong to judge people anyways), but then I wondered if other people judge me by my amount of concern for others. And though we aren't supposed to care about what others think of us and instead be who we want to be and step to the beat of our own drum or whatever, I don't want to give others a legitimate reason to not like me. And I've been so filled with myself that even though I see the hurt of others I do nothing, and my excuse is that people should reach out to me because I've been hurting. But that's a horrible awful way of thinking. It should never be about me.

There's an age old saying that says in order to make a friend you have to be one. We've all been told that since we were little. At least I have. It's been imprinted into my mind. But I guess it never was a conscious thought that in order to make a friend, I have to die to myself and seek to help those who are hurting instead. Who cares if I'm hurting? I can't wait around for someone to be my friend, or even for someone to just come talk to me. I have to be the one--I get to be the one person a hurting person wishes would come to them.

So I guess that's my revelation for today. Let us see how long it will stick. And I'm hoping it actually will because I feel as though once I reach out to people instead of waiting for someone to help me, I will automatically be healed because I actually have a friend. (And this is not to say that I don't have any friends ... I know it always sounds that way when I talk about this. I'm really only referring to a few people who used to be my friends but then completely left even though we still see each other everyday. And that really hurts a lot because they claim all these righteous actions and yet it was as if I suddenly didn't matter to them. Plus it's just hard going through life without a close girl friend.)

But anyways. I'm not sad at all. Quite the contrary. Because tomorrow I'm hopping on a plane (I love planes!) and I'm flying towards new opportunities. And no worries, I'm definitely going to take a million and one pictures and videos of everything. Oh it shall be spectacular.

I'll try to keep everyone up to date through the 365, but honestly I don't know what my schedule will be like so I don't know if I'll be able to even post.

In the meantime, have an awesome rest of the week!