Monday, January 9, 2012

the moon sees me cry

Sometimes I get in these moods where I just cry and cry and I don't know why. Occasionally I can pinpoint the reason, but more than often I can't and I just feel awful.

So I write. I write what I'm thinking.

But I feel like everything I think about is always the same. How I hate schoolwork, how I'm ready to go to college, how I'm scared out of my mind to go to college, how I just want to skip all the years of having to study things I'm not going to use in my life and get on with my life. There's so much potential and school seems to drain it out of me. I try to spend more time doing the things I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life, but the "important" things keep getting in the way. I already know exactly what I want to do in life. God didn't give me desires to make me do something I hate.

Gosh, I feel like I've written all this countless times before, so much so that it tastes gross to my fingers and I want to spit it out. I feel like I'm repeating myself; I feel like my fingers are rusted; I feel like all these words are pointless.

Actually, I feel like these words hold so much importance that I'm still afraid to let them out because I won't do them justice. I suppose I'll let them bloom for a little while yet.

The moon saw me cry. But I'm not crying anymore. She's holding my tears for me.

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