Hey guys! Here is the second Film Friday video! I just found this yesterday and was planning to show a different video (and even another video before I found that video), but in light of my big psychology project that I've been working on for about a month about introvert and extrovert group idea generation and just that relationship in general, I figured this was more appropriate.
My friend Jenna came in my room while I was watching this video (and subsequently crying because of it, hah ... this subject has meant a lot to me for a long time), and she watched it with me and helped me with my psychology presentation since I'm super nervous to present it, go figure. It was nice to be able to talk with her a little bit about it, even though I'm not always good at expressing my thoughts. I'm so passionate about this subject because it's my very nature and I just want to get the word out and gain awareness because I don't want anyone to feel the way I feel for being who I am. You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed for who you are, and if people hate you for it, please please please don't think it's your fault. I'm struggling with this right now, and it's hard to appeal to an extroverted world. Every individual has to find a balance to be sensitive to all personalities. I have to constantly work hard at being more outgoing and initiating things and relationships, because I am no good at it (which not only stems from my personality, but from people in the past not wanting to have relationships with me for whatever reasons. I've written about this a lot before, not on this blog but in my own personal journals and to my mom, but I never want to invest in a relationship if the other person isn't willing to invest because I have been disappointed and hurt in the past, so I usually wait for other people to initiate relationships with me). And other people have to work hard at initiating things with me and being okay with me not feeling the need to express things.
And really, I think I am most myself on here. If you want to know who Lauren is, just read Introverts Introduction. I feel free to write my thoughts and express these subjects that I don't ever get to talk about with people. So thank you guys for being willing to engage with me. I really count you as a friend and I feel like this place is constantly a two-way conversation, which I absolutely adore.
Hopefully this helped you a little bit, if you're an introvert to be confident in who you are, and if you're an extrovert to be understand to those who are different than you.
And hopefully next week's video will be a little more lighthearted!
The highlight of my day was getting my compass plate back from the kiln. It has really deep meaning for me and I really love it a lot. Really everything about the ocean has so much symbolism with my own life.
I feel like sometimes I'm the ocean. I don't know if that's prideful to say or not ... but the ocean is so big and huge and so many people only want to sail on the surface. Sometimes I'm calm, sometimes I get angry, but I feel like very few people have been willing to plunge into who I really am. I know I'm beautiful and am filled to the brim with things waiting to be discovered, but sometimes I need help with that. More often than not people are fine with just staying on my surface and to be quite honest, my surface is boring. My surface is shy. My surface doesn't understand very much. My surface is quiet and curious and naive and gullible and too trusting. My surface is too judgmental of myself and it doesn't think I'm good enough. But underneath my surface, the part that only a few people get to see (and parts that no one has seen yet), I think is overflowing with greatness. Everyone has greatness and for once I actually want to talk about my own. My depths are bursting with color and ideas and it's loud and sometimes my thoughts are so loud it literally hurts to speak. My depths are infinitely curious and filled with wonder from the world. My depths whisper aspirations that seem impossible but they drive me. My depths have deep pain and sadness brought on by storms and shipwrecks and sirens that I thought would stay in my life forever. I've learned all too soon that nothing lasts though (or at least, very few things), so I don't want to open my depths to everyone. It's hard for me to express things sometimes. I constantly have to redirect myself because I'm always failing, whether that be actually failing or just being too hard on myself.
So to bring this post full circle, my compass plate reminds me to share the depths of who I am, and it also reminds me that it's okay to fail as long as I continue to point myself home.
Big thanks to Ben for moving my camera around for the expansion when I couldn't really move from my spot on the wall, haha. We ran into each other today so he came with me when I took this photo. I was super glad he came along because he is a great human being as well as an incredibly talented photographer. And while talking to him, it made me realize just how relational photography is. I think I will have failed as a human being if I didn't meet as many people as possible, and photography is such a beautiful way to do that. Even if I was horrible at taking photos, I think I would still be happy if I could be with other people who loved what I loved. Because what makes me happiest is not coming up with ideas or taking photos or editing or posting them to share with others (though those do make me happy); what makes me happiest is being with people, and people who share the same passions as me (and even people who appreciate my passions). There's just something special about having something that is such a part of you also be such a part of someone else, and being able to connect in that way.
Even though I like this photo, I wish I could create some photos with an actual concept. I have tons of ideas sketched out in my sketchbook, but for some reason (one that I do not know), I never actually do them. I feel like I've reached that stage in photography where I've learned a lot of the editing and shooting process and mostly have that down (I say this lightly because there's always room for improvement), and the 365 is good for figuring those things out. But now I need to learn how to go through the process of coming up with a concept, preparing for it, and then shooting it successfully. It seems to me that the 365 (at least, if you actually take one photo each day) isn't quite the best for something like that. I could be wrong though. I could just be extremely lazy or scared to actually go out and do the more crazy ideas in my head. I don't know, I'm just sort of rambling on. Regardless, tomorrow is my busy day so I may not get a killer concept out the door just quite yet. But I hope you guys have a great day!
Part of me feels like I'm cheating completely with this whole personal style blogging thing when I wear outfits not even from my own wardrobe. (As if we could cheat with this stuff anyways.) I mean, not everyone can just pick out clothes that they didn't have to buy and wear them around. It's like my life is a walking pinterest dream. But really, I feel like there's an added challenge of going into a closet you're unfamiliar with and putting an outfit together without trying it on and then having to wear it the next day even if it looks bad on you because you already feel like you've outwarmed your welcome by invading someone else's closet in the first place (which I actually couldn't do because the girl I borrowed these from is the sweetest girl in the entire world) (and I really like this outfit, so Lauren got lucky!) I won't lie, it's awesome getting to have virtually eighteen other closets to pick and choose from, kind of because of feeling like I'm inside pinterest and kind of because it has really challenged me to explore different things and put together outfits based on patterns and color and proportion and not necessarily on how it looks on me. But what do you guys think? I want to know what your thoughts on this are!
But on to less controversial topics, I hope you guys had an awesome Thanksgiving break! Some of the highlights of mine were getting to see Matt, playing bingo, watching Skyfall, and watching Matt's family's old home videos. Little Matt was so precious and adorable and kind of made me fall in love with current Matt even more! It was so awesome being able to see him in person and I'm already counting down the days until when I get to see him again.
And now we officially can be in the Christmas spirit! Hope you all have a great day!
After doing homework (aka procrastinating by looking through old old facebook photos ... like year 2008 photos. Let me just say, there are some treasures in there, haha!), I chased down the sunset. My friend Bekah brought me back a dress from her home that her Aunt didn't want, and of course I had to take it out for a run. I love that my friends cater to my crazy photoshoot props and wardrobe. Currently my room is filled with a stolen traffic cone, a wig, a giant crayon, fancy goblets, random butterflies and other crazy stuff. What's another dress to add to the collection?
a 365 photo // making snowflakes // puddles and rainy days // burnt popcorn and the fire department in our dorm // holding Matt's hand for the first time in three months // playing bingo // Matt and I // Matt in his hypothetical home office // finishing up my plate in ceramics
Hey everyone! I hope you had a good Thanksgiving. It was a nice break for me not having to worry about homework or shooting anything conceptual or working on blog posts, but I'm excited to get back into the schedule of things. The time with Matt was definitely way too short and I'm already counting down the days until Christmastime.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you guys have a wonderful holiday filled with family and friends. As for me, I have been reunited with my handsome man and am surrounded by lots of wonderful family and I am very very happy.
To my family back home: I love you guys so much and I miss you a ton, but I hope you still have a great Thanksgiving. And be sure to save some macaroni and cheese for me!
Since this holiday is all about giving thanks, I want to share just a few things I am thankful for. I am especially thankful for my college. It has given me so many opportunities and friendships that I would have never dreamed of. I'm also thankful for a family that calls me on Thanksgiving, and for kind strangers now friends for housing me for a couple of nights. And I am especially thankful for Matt. I'm so glad we get to spend the next few days together. It's as if we've never been apart and this only solidifies how much we love and care for each other (and how much it grows each day). He makes me very happy. I am also really thankful for you guys. Seriously, you are the best. I wish I could express how happy I am for us to be able to come to this blog together and create friendships and share our stories and insights. I love you so much. So what are you thankful for? Let me know so that we all can celebrate this awesome holiday together.
Well I just got back from standing outside watching firefighters run into our dorm with flames stretching across the sky.
Okay just kidding, the firefighters didn't even run and we were all standing out in the rain because of burnt popcorn, but having the fire alarms go off at 11:40 at night is not good for my productivity. But it was an exciting moment in my college career and therefore deemed worthy of blogging about.
But on to other matters! I am super proud of this photo. A before and after is up on my photography page, and this photo definitely looks a LOT differently than the original photo, and I am really proud of it. Tabatha is always such a willing (and gorgeous) model and I'm so glad to have her as my friend!
Here's something a bit different for today's 365 photo! I was planning on doing just a simple portrait of my face, but it ended up being slightly different and I really like it.
Today was the first day I thought, "Why the heck did I move to Oregon?" I now realize why some people don't like Oregon. It was so rainy and windy I thought I was going to be blown away. Okay, I'm definitely exaggerating, but I am certainly pining for at least no rain in the clouds. I talked to my dad on the phone last night and he said that I have to have my Christmas list together by Thanksgiving, and after today, I am definitely going to be putting some boots on that list. I previously had no shoes that were waterproof, but thankfully the shoes that I bought a few weeks ago did the trick on this dreary day. So many puddles!
Other than that, I did really well on my two tests today. I already got the grade back for one (it was a 97% on my Bible test yay!) and am waiting for the other one, and I'm glad I can cross those things off my list of things I need to do before Thanksgiving!
I guess you could say that this is an introduction to a new installation on the blog, called "film friday"! Get excited people! This is an introduction because I couldn't wait until Friday to post this particular video. In light of this post I figured it would be apt to show this video first. I discovered this video a long time ago and it rings so true with me. All too often people quit before they get past that frustrating stage, and it's all a matter of sheer determination and relentlessness. And the fact of the matter is, that stage could last years. But that just makes getting to the other side that much sweeter.
This is my first (successful) RAW photo and let me just say, why the heck did I not shoot RAW earlier? Seriously, if you were like me and totally oblivious to all things fantastical, then read this article that Seth sent me. It will blow your mind.
Shot this in the rain, in the dark. I got all wet and my camera battery died and I was frustrated that I hadn't shot a compelling concept and didn't even have a very good pose, but after working on it for a long time, I actually really enjoy this photo. And I'm still not done with this location yet! I made a new set for this location, and as said in the description: this isn't a series, just a collection of photos taken at the abandoned house at the end of the street. I want to show the versatility of one location that would have gone otherwise unnoticed had I not roamed around aimlessly. It was that one chance encounter with the old country road that lead to all of these photos. You can check out the set here, as I will constantly be adding to it because I'm going to milk this location for all it's worth.
p.s. Thank you all for your kind comments yesterday. I will hold them in my heart forever. :)
my beautiful friends all in one room // dyed my hair purple! // visited multnomah falls for the first time // a successful 365 photo // reached 300 likes on my photography page! // found a brand new photoshoot location // bright red fall trees // a precious kitty that I visit often // swinging on a rope at work
Well I hope you all had a fantastic week! I think it would be really fun if, on top of my week in instagram posts, we did a fun post about what you guys did! That way Introvert's Introduction can be even more of a community. So let me know what you did this past week! And if you have a blog post about it, feel free to post a link in the comments so I can link to your blog! Also by doing this you give me permission to post a picture from your blog onto here, so that other people know who you are. And don't worry, the photo will link back to your blog. :) Ooh this is going to be exciting! So what did you do? I want to know!
This photo is for everyone who has encouraged me, left a comment, liked, favorited, whatever, on my photos. I really am my own worst critic. I know what I'm capable of and I beat myself up whenever anything is less than perfect. Sylvia Plath (aka my spirit animal) said that "the worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt" and I seem to have it in excess. It seems like every other day I think about quitting the 365 or I think about how incompetent I am, but the things that keeps me going are your encouraging words. Even a couple minutes before this photo was taken, I was so distraught in my own self doubt that I considered quitting. And literally (I kid you not), the moment I thought that, my friend Sarah posted on my facebook wall that my work keeps getting better and better. I started crying. And then I took this photo. It is for Sarah and everyone else who encourages me that keeps me going, and it's me with that stubborn urge to become good at something that keeps me going. So thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. I don't think you'll ever know just how deeply your kind words affect me and how extremely grateful I am for them. Seriously, I could never ever thank you enough.
If I didn't have to take a photo every day, this would be one of those photos that would never get put on the internet. I tried a brand new way of shooting, but I obviously did not succeed since this photo is less than perfect (aka really bad. I'm so embarrassed to post this but I have nothing else). I'm about ready for this project to be over because I'm tired of unsuccessful photos. But oh well. Such is life. Today's photo will be posted after I take it. ;)
How do you guys like my new hair? My friend Annette and Tabatha helped me finally dye my hair purple last friday! I've been wanting to dye my hair purple since the beginning of summer, and after I dyed my tips to make sure I liked the color, I did my whole head! I'm really happy about it and have already gotten so many compliments from random students and random old ladies that pass by me on my walks (they ended up talking about how they wanted to dye their hair purple too!). I'm excited to watch it fade over the next months as well, because with my tips, the color always remained really pretty.
Also, it's pretty cool that we have the technology to change our hair color. I really love my natural brown locks, but it's also fun to change things up. My philosophy is that life is too short to live with any regrets, and I think I would be sad if I never dyed my hair a fun color; plus I think it would be best to do it in college while I'm still a "kid," so that I can still use rebellion as an excuse, haha. Even though this color isn't as crazy as I could have gone. ;)
What is beauty? Beauty is that which we see in nature. An old tree that has gazed upon generations. The forest around him was cut down and they were reduced to boards and shingles, but still they held beauty for they gazed upon generations. The people around them grew up and tall and touched the skies and flew past them. They saw the highest mountains and the deepest, darkest ocean trenches and still those desolate places held beauty for they gazed upon generations. The earth is beauty and beauty is the earth. We are all connected because of the universal handprint we bear and the beauty we possess and we stretch across generations.
I'm going to try to incorporate more writing into my photos, and in light of this post, my skills in writing and photography will both grow at the same time, even if I'm just writing a little bit each day.
When I was walking to the location for today's photo, I had a couple ideas, but today none of them seemed right. I ended up walking around, quickly running out of time before class, but then I looked up and saw an old tree with a crevice that looked just like an eye, so of course I had to take a picture of it.
I wanted to shoot with the lovely rose bush before winter came, and I knew Tabatha would be perfect for it. She is a great model and always knows exactly what to do. Seriously, this girl is the bomb.
Also you can check out my photography page for alternate versions of this photo. I would love it if you 'liked' the page and stick around for updates!
Today I explored around my town again, not really knowing what I was going to do for a photo but being glad I was finally feeling happy about photography again, and found this awesome abandoned building at the end of a string of cute old houses. It's so cool that all these locations are just a couple blocks away, and all it takes is walking around and looking for them.
These photos are from a couple days ago, before I dyed my hair! That's right people, if you've noticed on my other internet haunts, I dyed my hair this deep purple color, the same color that I dyed my tips way back in September. But I'll talk about it more in my next outfit post. :) Until now, let's take a moment to enjoy these super cute tights I got the other day! They have cute little hearts on them! Sometimes I just love wearing cute girly things. It makes me feel really pretty. Who doesn't want to look down and see cute little hearts on their tights?
It is officially nine days until I see Matt again! We are in the single digits people! It's been almost exactly three months since I've seen him and I cannot wait to step foot in the airport and see him with his bags. :) His family is coming to Portland for Thanksgiving and I can't wait to see all of them. It will be nice to have a little bit of familiar faces around for the holiday. I am seriously so excited!
As I go through life, I've discovered how un-unique I am. There are thousands of people who wear the same clothes as me, participate in the same activities as me, believe the same doctrines as me, and ever ignorantly thinks that they are the only one to experience the same things as me. I don't really find that saddening though, for humans are relational figures and thus our un-uniqueness binds us to one another. I think uniqueness is a highly relative term (at least in this case), but what makes me (and any other human) unique is my relationship with others and their relationship with me. I place great worth on certain people, and that ability to give and receive worth is unique to every individual, with an infinite amount of combinations brought about through every person everyone comes in contact with. I can make a person seem to me more or less unique, and others can do the same in their view of me and the view of their relationship with me. We are all connected by this ability as well as our un-uniqueness, which in a sense makes us incredibly unique in that we are all the connecting element of the red string of destiny and without each one of us, the string would be broken.
-- my answer to a psychology question that we never turned in.
"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may tangle but it will never break." -- Chinese Proverb
and the fog rolls in // squirrel earrings // I love the rain // my handmade mug filled with warm hot chocolate // leaves on the window // year 3000 dance // a foggy and rainy morning // looking up and looking down on my walk // a paint set from my man
My week in instagram is back! I've put it on the back burner for a couple of weeks, but I really enjoy sharing these photos, especially for those of you who don't have instagram. But if you do, you should follow me @impulsings ... it's a party over there!
On a recent trip to Portland, my friends and I stopped by the mall to do some shopping. Since I live in a super rainy state where I walk everywhere, I knew I had to buy some good boots, so I snatched up this pair. I am basically in love with them. I'm the worst person ever when it comes to heels, because I am incredibly picky since I don't always have the best balance. So I am so glad I found these because not only are they super pretty, but I can actually walk in them.
Also a couple weeks ago I got my blue streak in my hair redyed and now it's fun purple! This color fades to pink over time, so it will be fun to see the process of that. I love having fun colors in my hair. Every time I see it, it makes me smile.
