the great escape from our feeble minds

day 39



I've been busy trying to get done with school work early because I'm flying to Oregon tomorrow! I'm attending a scholarship competition with my future college, plus I get to see the campus for the very first time. I'm incredibly excited and nervous and I really hope I do well and can actually talk to strangers articulately for once.

I had a revelation today in my school's chapel program, and I really wish I had this revelation a lot sooner. I've been so bitter about people who don't care about others, specifically because I've personally been hurt by their apathy. I've been judging people based upon their amount of concern for others (which it's wrong to judge people anyways), but then I wondered if other people judge me by my amount of concern for others. And though we aren't supposed to care about what others think of us and instead be who we want to be and step to the beat of our own drum or whatever, I don't want to give others a legitimate reason to not like me. And I've been so filled with myself that even though I see the hurt of others I do nothing, and my excuse is that people should reach out to me because I've been hurting. But that's a horrible awful way of thinking. It should never be about me.

There's an age old saying that says in order to make a friend you have to be one. We've all been told that since we were little. At least I have. It's been imprinted into my mind. But I guess it never was a conscious thought that in order to make a friend, I have to die to myself and seek to help those who are hurting instead. Who cares if I'm hurting? I can't wait around for someone to be my friend, or even for someone to just come talk to me. I have to be the one--I get to be the one person a hurting person wishes would come to them.

So I guess that's my revelation for today. Let us see how long it will stick. And I'm hoping it actually will because I feel as though once I reach out to people instead of waiting for someone to help me, I will automatically be healed because I actually have a friend. (And this is not to say that I don't have any friends ... I know it always sounds that way when I talk about this. I'm really only referring to a few people who used to be my friends but then completely left even though we still see each other everyday. And that really hurts a lot because they claim all these righteous actions and yet it was as if I suddenly didn't matter to them. Plus it's just hard going through life without a close girl friend.)

But anyways. I'm not sad at all. Quite the contrary. Because tomorrow I'm hopping on a plane (I love planes!) and I'm flying towards new opportunities. And no worries, I'm definitely going to take a million and one pictures and videos of everything. Oh it shall be spectacular.

I'll try to keep everyone up to date through the 365, but honestly I don't know what my schedule will be like so I don't know if I'll be able to even post.

In the meantime, have an awesome rest of the week!

careless in our summer clothes

That song and this look remind me a lot of this time last year as well as summer time. I overheard someone at school say that seniors only have 98 total days left of school. Including weekends! I cannot wait for summer!




But until summer comes I'm stuck studying for tests and working on homework. Which is what I probably should be doing right now.




Hope you all have a good week!

we beg rebirth

day 37

Yesterday my grandpa had a stroke. He's doing good now, but it will take many months for him to regain health. It's strange imagining a healthy, hardworking man sick in a hospital bed. I was so scared we were going to lose him. When we learned that he was in the hospital we didn't know what was going on or what was wrong and everyone was scared. As for me, I was automatically assuming the worst. The only thing we knew this morning was that he had gone to the city to stay in ICU. It didn't help me whatsoever that in my first hour class we talked about old age and death. I can't imagine losing my grandparents. They've been a part of my life for so long and I love them so much ...

When people started to worry about Grandpa (before they took him to the hospital) they asked him where he was. He said that he was in Anchorage Alaska (he lives in Oklahoma). To know that he was thinking of us so deeply that even when he forgot where he was and who he was he knew where we were, that broke my heart. It's still breaking my heart. There's so many things I could say right now, like how much I miss my friends and family in Oklahoma and how I (and the rest of my family) wish we were down there right now with my grandparents, but I've learned that wishing gets you no where ... But I take even the things I do have for granted. And knowing that it could all be taken away in an instant is very humbling.

We take our life for granted and I hope to always be truly thankful for another day to live, and I hope I will live life to its fullest and always work my hardest and never give half effort for anything. And I hope to never take any person for granted. Life is too short to be lazy and to not take chances and not try new things. I hope I never forget that.

As for my grandpa, he's still in ICU. My grandmother refused to stay at a hotel and is right by his side at this very moment. Tomorrow he's supposed to be moved to a normal room where he'll undergo more tests. He'll have to go through just a little bit of physical and speech therapy which the doctors have said will take a few months.

I just hope he's recovered in time to make it to my graduation so I can see him again.

Keep our family in your prayers. We really need it right now.

I love you, Sunshine

The sun finally came out! After thirteen inches of snow in one day and overall dreary weather, it was nice of the sun to finally show his face. Even right now he's peaking through all the windows and giving hope for summer.



If there is any clothing I love, it's socks. If you buy me fun socks I will love you forever. Even if people don't see my socks, I just get all happy knowing that I have cute socks. :) These cupcake ones were from one of my friends for my birthday! She knows me too well, haha!
I'm a sucker for socks.




My grandmother gave me a lot of her old brooches (Okay, really only two), and I had them all on my bag, but I decided to wear one with this outfit, and immediately I was hooked! They really add a cute finishing touch and a little bit of whimsy. I'll have to keep my eyes peeled for more in the future.



Do you have any cute little wardrobe obsessions? I'd love to hear about it. :)