I'm too tired to really write a story to go along with this photo, but rest assured there is a beautiful one lurking in the darkness.
And since I'm so tired, I'm simply going to number what happened today.
1. I didn't realize until dinner that it was Friday and it made me really happy.
2. I successfully presented my introvert/extrovert psychology project.
3. We watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and it made me very excited for Christmas.
Hey guys! Here is the second Film Friday video! I just found this yesterday and was planning to show a different video (and even another video before I found that video), but in light of my big psychology project that I've been working on for about a month about introvert and extrovert group idea generation and just that relationship in general, I figured this was more appropriate.
My friend Jenna came in my room while I was watching this video (and subsequently crying because of it, hah ... this subject has meant a lot to me for a long time), and she watched it with me and helped me with my psychology presentation since I'm super nervous to present it, go figure. It was nice to be able to talk with her a little bit about it, even though I'm not always good at expressing my thoughts. I'm so passionate about this subject because it's my very nature and I just want to get the word out and gain awareness because I don't want anyone to feel the way I feel for being who I am. You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed for who you are, and if people hate you for it, please please please don't think it's your fault. I'm struggling with this right now, and it's hard to appeal to an extroverted world. Every individual has to find a balance to be sensitive to all personalities. I have to constantly work hard at being more outgoing and initiating things and relationships, because I am no good at it (which not only stems from my personality, but from people in the past not wanting to have relationships with me for whatever reasons. I've written about this a lot before, not on this blog but in my own personal journals and to my mom, but I never want to invest in a relationship if the other person isn't willing to invest because I have been disappointed and hurt in the past, so I usually wait for other people to initiate relationships with me). And other people have to work hard at initiating things with me and being okay with me not feeling the need to express things.
And really, I think I am most myself on here. If you want to know who Lauren is, just read Introverts Introduction. I feel free to write my thoughts and express these subjects that I don't ever get to talk about with people. So thank you guys for being willing to engage with me. I really count you as a friend and I feel like this place is constantly a two-way conversation, which I absolutely adore.
Hopefully this helped you a little bit, if you're an introvert to be confident in who you are, and if you're an extrovert to be understand to those who are different than you.
And hopefully next week's video will be a little more lighthearted!
The highlight of my day was getting my compass plate back from the kiln. It has really deep meaning for me and I really love it a lot. Really everything about the ocean has so much symbolism with my own life.
I feel like sometimes I'm the ocean. I don't know if that's prideful to say or not ... but the ocean is so big and huge and so many people only want to sail on the surface. Sometimes I'm calm, sometimes I get angry, but I feel like very few people have been willing to plunge into who I really am. I know I'm beautiful and am filled to the brim with things waiting to be discovered, but sometimes I need help with that. More often than not people are fine with just staying on my surface and to be quite honest, my surface is boring. My surface is shy. My surface doesn't understand very much. My surface is quiet and curious and naive and gullible and too trusting. My surface is too judgmental of myself and it doesn't think I'm good enough. But underneath my surface, the part that only a few people get to see (and parts that no one has seen yet), I think is overflowing with greatness. Everyone has greatness and for once I actually want to talk about my own. My depths are bursting with color and ideas and it's loud and sometimes my thoughts are so loud it literally hurts to speak. My depths are infinitely curious and filled with wonder from the world. My depths whisper aspirations that seem impossible but they drive me. My depths have deep pain and sadness brought on by storms and shipwrecks and sirens that I thought would stay in my life forever. I've learned all too soon that nothing lasts though (or at least, very few things), so I don't want to open my depths to everyone. It's hard for me to express things sometimes. I constantly have to redirect myself because I'm always failing, whether that be actually failing or just being too hard on myself.
So to bring this post full circle, my compass plate reminds me to share the depths of who I am, and it also reminds me that it's okay to fail as long as I continue to point myself home.
Big thanks to Ben for moving my camera around for the expansion when I couldn't really move from my spot on the wall, haha. We ran into each other today so he came with me when I took this photo. I was super glad he came along because he is a great human being as well as an incredibly talented photographer. And while talking to him, it made me realize just how relational photography is. I think I will have failed as a human being if I didn't meet as many people as possible, and photography is such a beautiful way to do that. Even if I was horrible at taking photos, I think I would still be happy if I could be with other people who loved what I loved. Because what makes me happiest is not coming up with ideas or taking photos or editing or posting them to share with others (though those do make me happy); what makes me happiest is being with people, and people who share the same passions as me (and even people who appreciate my passions). There's just something special about having something that is such a part of you also be such a part of someone else, and being able to connect in that way.
