on writing a novel

Over the past few days and weeks I've gotten several inquiries about my novel writing endeavors, and since writing isn't something that is as blatantly obvious on Introvert's Introduction as, say photography, what better way to talk about it than with a blog post!

Writing has always been a big interest of mine. I still have my very first "book" I ever wrote, which was written in a spiral bound notebook and illustrated in colored pencil. The title was humbly called "Lauren goes out to eat lunch" and depicted not only my burrito lunch, but also the adventures of my stuffed animal cat, my move to Iceland (which actually happened before I wrote the book, but in my story it occurred after a lot of events that it preceded in real life), and other things such as getting sick and going to the zoo. One of my earliest memories was of me sitting at our cedar chest in the living room one morning eating a bowl of cheerios, watching tv (I think it was Winnie the Pooh), and writing that story. I still have it today thanks to my hoarding self.

So writing has been a part of my life for my entire life, and since it's been so steadfast, I think that's a safe bet I'm meant to do it for a long time. My first "successful" short story was one that was an assignment for our sixth grade literature class, in which it was voted the best story by my peers. And I've been working on that particular tale ever since.



So for about seven years that short story has been cultivating in my mind to one extent or another, and it was only in my senior year of high school when our final project was to write a 100 page novel did that story come alive again. I won't give away too many details about it, but basically the entire allegory is actually about the human depiction of Wisdom in the book of Proverbs from the Bible. The story is also about pirates. I would say it's a fantasy fiction geared towards upper young adults (16-25 or so). As I keep writing it while I grow older, the age range grows older, go figure. One of my resolutions was to write one page in it a week, but currently that's on hold as the entire novel is on an external hard drive which I currently cannot access, also go figure.



In the meantime, I've been doing what I always do when I put off my novel (I've put it off for seven years, and I'm sure it will still be a long time before it's done), which is write other stories, write assignments for school, write for this blog. With photography entering my life, much of my energy goes into that, which is not a bad thing in the least because it is something I can't live without and has given me a lot of meaning in life, but I really am trying to combine the two arts that I so dearly love. Like I mentioned in a previous post, for one of my photography assignments I'm also writing a story to go along with it, and I can't wait to share it with you guys. As for the novel, I'm still dreaming about it and am fine with it cultivating some more in my mind. It's grown a lot from the short story I wrote in sixth grade and I'm sure it will grow even more as time goes on.

a universe in my head

dress: mom's closet // skirt: borrowed // long socks: forever 21 // shoes: target




There are a lot of changes in the air. I can feel it every day when I wake up and go out into the chilling Oregon air and when I come back to my dorm to relax. It peeks its head into conversations over lunch and behind moss-covered trees when I'm walking on the gravel trails. Perhaps this is simply me "growing up," even though I hesitate to use those words because I don't ever really want to grow up. I guess I'm just coming to terms with the fact that I have a certain responsibility in life and I should actually take this life seriously--not in the sense that I become a serious person--but in the sense that I only have one chance to do things, and the sooner I realize that sometimes I have to buckle down and get things done, the sooner I can live the life I've always imagined.

The change is in the little things thus far. I'm keeping my room clean, I'm in tune with my school work, I'm planning things and taking care of things and just actively living and thriving instead of just surviving. I'm actually wanting to do homework and I'm excited to learn (especially in my photography class). I guess you could say I feel very adult right now (though I know even just a year from now I'll think current me was so young and immature!). At any rate, that shift into becoming a responsible adult has not gone unnoticed, though I do hope I won't lose particular childlike tendencies. There's that certain magic of childhood that I had spent years cultivating and now I'm at a point where I refuse to let go of those memories and shapings, and perhaps even create some more childish fantasies even as I enter into an adult life.




When I was little, I drew out maps of Fairyland and danced around in my backyard pretending that I was transported into that world. My very best fairy friend was a girl named Jopey and she and I fought alongside each other in the great Fairy battle. Those imaginings were fueled by stories like the Anne of Green Gables series, At the back of the North Wind, Harriet the Spy, and the Eragon Series, (books that I still read to this very today). I even wrote stories about my adventures and charted locations and made a special bracelet that allowed me to transport into that world. It was a huge part of my childhood, where everything was not as it seemed and adventure was around every corner.

Of course now I know that those things weren't reality, but that doesn't mean they weren't real. The stories from my childhood I'm turning into novels today, those little colored pencil maps have become a giant piece of artwork (one I'm still working on), and I'm still chasing the same light I did years ago.

I guess I just never want to look at anything like it's ordinary.





Well this post has taken a super personal turn (I'm sure no one's surprised by that at this point). Those things that I dreamed up have really shaped me into who I am today, and it's so interesting to look back and see what things have formed certain things in my life. Is there anything from your childhood that shaped you in some way? I would love to hear about it!

I hope you all have a really fantastic day.

Oh! And I forgot to mention some exciting news, actually. I'm now blogging for my university's new online website, where once a week I post about anything related to fashion and personal style. You can check out my first little introductory article here, and be sure to check back there every Wednesday to read a new article from yours truly!

tips to begin (and finish!) a 365 project

After finishing my first 365 project in 2010, I had discovered a new love for photography and my eyes had been opened to a world I never knew existed. After finishing my second 365 project this year, I've learned a lot more about photography and how to be successful at the 365. I wanted to share with you some of the things I've learned from this project so that you can get the most out of yours! I think everyone should do a 365, despite whether they are a photographer or not. It's a wonderful way to look back on a year and see just how much you've grown.

1. Decide right off the bat what kind of project you want the 365 to be. My first one had strict guidelines: I was only allowed to take self portraits. This stretched me to produce creative images and explore myself and learn a lot about who I was. The second time around, I gave myself no guidelines, which caused me to be lazy and not grow as much as I could have. So decide right away what you want to gain from the project. Do you just want documentation of a year, or do you want to learn more about your camera, or do you want to create 365 pieces of art? If I had a chance to do my second 365 over again, I would have constrained myself to only shooting portraits, mostly conceptual, so that I couldn't be lazy and take photos of random objects, and so that I could also branch out from self portraiture and into the modeling world. (Also, some photographers, when they skip days, continue numbering their photos as if they didn't, so they finish their project several days or weeks past the literal year mark. For me, when I skipped days--which I don't suggest doing--I skipped numbers, because I was more concerned about finishing in a year than necessarily producing 365 images. So decide which approach to numbering your photos you want to take.)

2. Don't underestimate yourself. You've really got to believe that the photos you take are amazing. If you continually mope around thinking that your photos are no good, then you'll eventually become so discouraged you'll quit. There's a fine line between not liking your images because you're no good and not liking your images because you want to improve. There's always room for improvement and you have to be pleased with what you produce, but also be looking for those ways to improve.

3. Post your photos online. Be it via flickr or facebook, post your photos somewhere so that others can hold you accountable. If you're wanting to become a better photographer, I HIGHLY suggest you join flickr. I didn't join flickr until halfway through my first 365 and I wish I had done it at the beginning. Flickr is a wonderful community of photographers that are there to encourage you along the way. If you join, I guarantee you will make some amazing friends and gain a ton of inspiration which will in turn help you move forward with your own 365.

4. Don't let your limitations be limitations. I completed my first 365 using a $75 point and shoot camera and old photoshop software I found in a box. My very first photos were shot with a camera that only shot video, which I print screened on the computer and edited in paint and picnik.com. I was doing the most primitive things when I did my first 365 and I didn't let them limit me. I instead used them to my advantage, to create things people didn't think were possible to create with the tools I had. Never think the camera makes the photographer. The photographer makes the camera. I've seen awful photos shot with fancy DSLR cameras, and fantastic photos with point and shoots. Don't think you have to purchase tons of equipment in order to be a good photographer. (But at the same time, if you are serious about it, there comes a point where your skill exceeds your equipment, in which case you should invest. But my point is that equipment doesn't equate to talent.)

5. Don't give up. This is obvious, but trust me, there will be days or weeks or months where you'll want to give the 365 project up, I guarantee it. DON'T DO IT. You'll be too tired, too busy, too uninspired to do anything. But take a photo anyways. There were days where I hated my camera and I didn't ever want to think about touching photography again. But you just have to fight through those feelings. It's okay to create images that you hate. It's okay that you're too busy to take a decent photo. When I finished my first 365, after two weeks I went back and put all the photos I didn't like on private. The important thing is that I took those photos. It was in the failures that I grew the most. And the important thing is to recognize what you don't like about a photo and then fix it. Just don't give up. Even when there are photos you don't like, when you look back at the end of the year, you'll be proud of the entire project.

As for the technical side of the 365 (ie, editing and whatnot) I am completely self taught. I learned everything I know from pushing random buttons and looking things up on the internet. A really awesome resource for anyone who takes photos would be phlearn.com. They make awesome tutorials that I often go to and there is a lot that they teach in their episodes. Definitely go check them out.

I hope these tips will help you out a little bit. If you are doing a 365 project for 2013, let me know! I would love to be your cheerleader. And whenever you hit that bump and want to quit, seriously don't be afraid to talk to me. You will not regret doing a 365. Even though it is a challenge at times, it's one of the most gratifying feelings to look back on a year's worth of images and be proud of who you became.

thoughts on photography

I recently read an article about how our phones have changed photography, and it really got me thinking about what I want to be as a photographer and how all of us are affected by this technology.

I learned once in some class a long time ago (or I might have read it in a Time magazine) that technology is growing exponentially. When I was a little kid my parents had a giant video camera that recorded everything on those big tapes that you could stick into VCRs, and now I have a video camera that slips into my back pocket. The same goes with cameras. They used to carve everything on rocks and ride dinosaurs and now film photography is seen as a novelty sort of thing (seriously, when was the last time you bought even a disposable camera, much less tinkered with a film camera?). We live in the digital age, and I am definitely all for it. Our cameras are smaller and better, we get instant gratification, we share, upload, download. Photography is no longer this novelty sort of thing, it's documenting and sharing our experiences (and I loved how the article talked about this).

That's largely why I'm a photographer, to document my life and the lives of those around me, be that through weddings, senior photos, you name it. It's all about documentation. The definition of photography has changed dramatically over the years, I think. Part of me thinks that way too many people call themselves photographers because of how available it is. Now I've seen some fantastic work that was done solely with an iphone in a studio, but it seems like every person with a camera phone calls themselves a photographer (or at least thinks they could do it). In one sense, it's awesome that this art form is so popular. There are a lot of creative minds out there who are brilliant photographers and extremely talented at what they do and I love their passion and creativity and how easily I can look at their work. Had it not been for them and the fact that photography was and is so readily available, I would have never dreamed of myself being a photographer. But in another sense, it leaves me worried (or curious, I suppose would have a better mindset to this) that the availability of the art form has cheapened it. If anyone can snap a picture of a flower or a person and call it art, is it really art? Perhaps, to borrow from Disney, the saying "anyone can cook" really means a great chef can come from anyone. Sure anyone can take photos, but great art is not limited to a select few, and even though the availability of photography does open the doors to anyone messing around with it, it also allows that one special person to discover it and do amazing things.

But with photography being so available today, it does make the market incredibly difficult. I guess it still goes back to "anyone can cook." I'd hate to sound rude or uppity, but not everyone should be a photographer. Even though the definition of photography has changed from being purely art to also documentation, that doesn't mean the art side of it has disappeared completely. You still have to have a little bit of creativity inside of you to truly be great. But I have also read that, like a lot of things in life, it's 90% learned skill and only 10% natural talent (that's not a real scientific statistic, but you get my point). There are so many classes and online articles and tutorials that are available to the public. It's that cookbook for the beginning chef. He just has to follow a set of ingredients to become awesome. It all takes time and learning and patience. But I do think this has caused people to become hasty in giving themselves titles and creating makeshift businesses and charging people for photos that could have been better had they taken the time to learn and grow in the art side of photography rather than jumping into the document and experience side of it.

As for me, I truly believe that anyone can be a photographer. I love photography because I can document my life. I also love it because I can create art with the tools available to me. I love it because it's an art form that is instantly gratifying and I love it because I can share it. I love it because you really don't need fancy, expensive equipment to create. I love it because instagram came from it and opened this new world of sharing and the planting of ideas in people's heads (thoughts like, "Hey, this photo isn't so bad, maybe I should look deeper into this photography thing."). I love it because anyone can pick up a camera or a phone and feel the same way I feel.

If you want to be a photographer for whatever reason (to document, to share, to create), I would say go for it one hundred million percent. Taking the plunge has changed my life completely, and for the better too. All the tools are available. You don't even need a fancy Digital SLR camera (I did my entire first 365 project using only a $75 point and shoot camera, so I know there are no excuses). All you need is a desire, a crazy desire to create, to document, to share your life with others, because I have learned that photography is so much more than just instagram and an iphone, it's this insane community of creative, beautiful people all with a desire to create something amazing.

floating/sinking/floating

day 353

from my diary, July 30, 2011:
I
I
I used
I used to wonder.
I used to wonder what it would feel like to not exist.
I used to wonder what would happen if I just ceased to exist. Not really die, exactly, but just … disappear. Would I float? Swim? Blink until the tears came? Stare at light? Darkness? Would the people I left behind notice? Would they care? Or would it be as though I was never even a memory? Funny how once people move out of your life—or you move out of theirs—it’s as if you cease to exist. They forget about you. Everything you went through together. All the tears and laughter and memories. They all seem as though they never happened. That you never were a part of their life. But you have to stand on the edge of that light, floating, sinking, watching them live on without you, watching them find new friends, new family, while you yell and scream and cry for their attention, but all you receive is an ignoring glance. And they look at you as if they don’t even know your name.
I used
I used to wonder.
I used to wonder how hard it would be to not exist.
Would I really not want to exist? Would that really be what I wanted? How easy it would be …
But now.
But now I know that I could never want that. No matter how hard things get, I could never ever want that. Life is far too beautiful to not be able to exist in it. And it’s also funny, because the people who previously never existed, with no warning, come into your existence. And suddenly it’s like that bright light, but beautiful. It feels like you’re floating. And the people who never existed before become so real and so near and dear to your heart that it feels like it would stop beating if they ever disappeared. You never want to leave. You never will. Not for anything in the world. And you pray to God that they never wish that they didn’t exist, because without them you wouldn’t be a whole person … and that would be worse than not existing.
I
I
I used to wonder.
I used to wonder what it would feel like.
I used to wonder what if would feel like to love. And to be loved. And to know that no matter what happens, good or bad, no matter what life throws, no matter the mistakes or hardships, no matter the moments of joy or tears, that no one will leave. No one will forget about you. No one will push you out of their life. No one will call you your friend and then find someone else. Someone better.

I don’t wonder anymore.
Mine’s a beautiful existence with you in it.
And that’s all I want.


It's nice to see that I've improved at least a little bit since taking this photo. I'm always so nostalgic when I look back through my first 365, because there was nothing stopping me. I didn't let anything get in my way and this time around I've let a lot of things get in my way. But before I took this photo I thought to myself, "I need to start with the thought that I'm going to create something awesome instead of mope around thinking I'm not going to take a very good picture today." I've been thinking a lot about emotions and how they affect us and how we can control them, and I've decided to control my emotions and use that power to create happiness for myself and the world around me. That makes things much better anyways. I am very happy right now. I have been happy for a long time. College has been a very good thing for me and it's changed me for the better, and coming back home has caused me to realize that. I'm not the same person I was a year ago or a few months ago; I am much happier. And I plan to keep it that way. I'm going to fight for my happiness.

(For my own documentation purposes: today I got to hang out with Dayl and Kylie at coffee and I love them so much.)

the secrets we keep

day 342

Today has been an incredibly long day, but one where a lot has been overcome. Who knew I could learn so much in one day? To borrow from my boyfriend's facebook status: "Sometimes we forget how damaged people are from things that happened before we even knew them. We assume that their life began when we met them. But they lived an entire life before we knew their name, and assuming otherwise is unbelievably dangerous. Everyone has scars, everyone was hurt in the past. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not there. Always remember that. We'll never know the full story - so don't take it upon yourself to fill in the blanks."

That status goes perfectly with the meaning I had set up for this 365 photo, where title is actually from a popular song about a girl in prostitution and the song talks about the facade that people put up and even though people you see look like they have it all together, they are really falling apart on the inside. And I think that image really shows that a. you can't judge people by their appearance, and b. everyone has demons that they face and you should be kind and loving to everyone and smile at strangers that you pass on the street because they could be fighting a hard battle and you would never know it. I think it really shows that every person is more than just a passing face and they have a story and an entire past wrapped up into who they are and I purposely created the image to tell a story and to stir up emotion. (Mostly the emotion of compassion for the character because a lot of things in the photo imply that she is facing a hardship--downward gaze, the smoke that presents mystery, the tones of the photo, etc. and to get the viewer to want to help her.)

I think it takes a lifetime to not only learn about a person but it also takes a lifetime to realize that there are people other than you. What I mean is, that other people have thoughts and feelings and the things you do and say affect those feelings. I want to live a life where I only create positive feelings for others. Above all, I want to be a good friend.

Speaking of friends, today some of my friends and I celebrated the end of the semester by dressing up all fancy and going out for cheesecake. It was so so much fun and I am blessed beyond belief to have these girls in my life.





Today's 365 photo was an incredibly awesome accident. Ivy and I sat down by a mirror to wait for the other girls and we noticed it created an awesome effect. So right there Ivy modeled for me and I modeled for her, obviously:





Oh yeah. We're hot. The mirror loves us. ;) (But seriously my friends are so beautiful, inside and out.)

film friday: quiet

Hey guys! Here is the second Film Friday video! I just found this yesterday and was planning to show a different video (and even another video before I found that video), but in light of my big psychology project that I've been working on for about a month about introvert and extrovert group idea generation and just that relationship in general, I figured this was more appropriate.

My friend Jenna came in my room while I was watching this video (and subsequently crying because of it, hah ... this subject has meant a lot to me for a long time), and she watched it with me and helped me with my psychology presentation since I'm super nervous to present it, go figure. It was nice to be able to talk with her a little bit about it, even though I'm not always good at expressing my thoughts. I'm so passionate about this subject because it's my very nature and I just want to get the word out and gain awareness because I don't want anyone to feel the way I feel for being who I am. You shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed for who you are, and if people hate you for it, please please please don't think it's your fault. I'm struggling with this right now, and it's hard to appeal to an extroverted world. Every individual has to find a balance to be sensitive to all personalities. I have to constantly work hard at being more outgoing and initiating things and relationships, because I am no good at it (which not only stems from my personality, but from people in the past not wanting to have relationships with me for whatever reasons. I've written about this a lot before, not on this blog but in my own personal journals and to my mom, but I never want to invest in a relationship if the other person isn't willing to invest because I have been disappointed and hurt in the past, so I usually wait for other people to initiate relationships with me). And other people have to work hard at initiating things with me and being okay with me not feeling the need to express things.

And really, I think I am most myself on here. If you want to know who Lauren is, just read Introverts Introduction. I feel free to write my thoughts and express these subjects that I don't ever get to talk about with people. So thank you guys for being willing to engage with me. I really count you as a friend and I feel like this place is constantly a two-way conversation, which I absolutely adore.

Hopefully this helped you a little bit, if you're an introvert to be confident in who you are, and if you're an extrovert to be understand to those who are different than you.

And hopefully next week's video will be a little more lighthearted!

pointing myself home

day 333



The highlight of my day was getting my compass plate back from the kiln. It has really deep meaning for me and I really love it a lot. Really everything about the ocean has so much symbolism with my own life.



I feel like sometimes I'm the ocean. I don't know if that's prideful to say or not ... but the ocean is so big and huge and so many people only want to sail on the surface. Sometimes I'm calm, sometimes I get angry, but I feel like very few people have been willing to plunge into who I really am. I know I'm beautiful and am filled to the brim with things waiting to be discovered, but sometimes I need help with that. More often than not people are fine with just staying on my surface and to be quite honest, my surface is boring. My surface is shy. My surface doesn't understand very much. My surface is quiet and curious and naive and gullible and too trusting. My surface is too judgmental of myself and it doesn't think I'm good enough. But underneath my surface, the part that only a few people get to see (and parts that no one has seen yet), I think is overflowing with greatness. Everyone has greatness and for once I actually want to talk about my own. My depths are bursting with color and ideas and it's loud and sometimes my thoughts are so loud it literally hurts to speak. My depths are infinitely curious and filled with wonder from the world. My depths whisper aspirations that seem impossible but they drive me. My depths have deep pain and sadness brought on by storms and shipwrecks and sirens that I thought would stay in my life forever. I've learned all too soon that nothing lasts though (or at least, very few things), so I don't want to open my depths to everyone. It's hard for me to express things sometimes. I constantly have to redirect myself because I'm always failing, whether that be actually failing or just being too hard on myself.

So to bring this post full circle, my compass plate reminds me to share the depths of who I am, and it also reminds me that it's okay to fail as long as I continue to point myself home.

we stretch across generations

day 318

view it here

What is beauty? Beauty is that which we see in nature. An old tree that has gazed upon generations. The forest around him was cut down and they were reduced to boards and shingles, but still they held beauty for they gazed upon generations. The people around them grew up and tall and touched the skies and flew past them. They saw the highest mountains and the deepest, darkest ocean trenches and still those desolate places held beauty for they gazed upon generations. The earth is beauty and beauty is the earth. We are all connected because of the universal handprint we bear and the beauty we possess and we stretch across generations.

I'm going to try to incorporate more writing into my photos, and in light of this post, my skills in writing and photography will both grow at the same time, even if I'm just writing a little bit each day.

When I was walking to the location for today's photo, I had a couple ideas, but today none of them seemed right. I ended up walking around, quickly running out of time before class, but then I looked up and saw an old tree with a crevice that looked just like an eye, so of course I had to take a picture of it.

we are all connected

day 315

What makes you uniquely you?

As I go through life, I've discovered how un-unique I am. There are thousands of people who wear the same clothes as me, participate in the same activities as me, believe the same doctrines as me, and ever ignorantly thinks that they are the only one to experience the same things as me. I don't really find that saddening though, for humans are relational figures and thus our un-uniqueness binds us to one another. I think uniqueness is a highly relative term (at least in this case), but what makes me (and any other human) unique is my relationship with others and their relationship with me. I place great worth on certain people, and that ability to give and receive worth is unique to every individual, with an infinite amount of combinations brought about through every person everyone comes in contact with. I can make a person seem to me more or less unique, and others can do the same in their view of me and the view of their relationship with me. We are all connected by this ability as well as our un-uniqueness, which in a sense makes us incredibly unique in that we are all the connecting element of the red string of destiny and without each one of us, the string would be broken.

-- my answer to a psychology question that we never turned in.

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may tangle but it will never break." -- Chinese Proverb

pumpkin patched

day 295






On Sunday my friends and I went to a pumpkin patch! I've been to a pumpkin patch once or twice before, but this one was insane! They had huge pumpkin cannons and a giant corn maze that we got lost in for at least half an hour and pumpkins as far as the eye can see.







I don't know if every person experiences this, but I feel like I'm sort of getting a chance to redo my childhood, only this time I'm actually willing to appreciate it. I can remember times when I didn't want to do something fun like go to a pumpkin patch, and even when my parents made me go I had the most miserable time, simply because of the fact that I am stubborn and if I am in a bad mood then I want to be in a bad mood, if that makes sense.






But now that I am in college, and it may be because I have friends to do it with, or because experiencing it on my own is something I've never done before, I really love doing things like this. Maybe it's because I'm just *ahem* growing up, but that seems like an oxymoron to me because I feel like I'm looking at the world with brand new baby eyes.







I certainly hope growing up means getting baby eyes, because I really don't want to lose this outlook on life. I guess the way to do that is the way to do anything: hold on to it. Remind me to always make a conscious effort to try to look at the world with new eyes every day, like every day is my last day to see.







Also, I love my beautiful friends. From left to right: Tabatha, me, Ivy, Rebekah, Annette

I love how college brings people from all over the country together. If it weren't for college, I would have never known of the existence of these beautiful, talented girls.