the pacific ocean

listen.

I resonate most with the ocean. Nature is forever calling us to her, for we were created from the dust of the earth and we are meant to walk upon it. Me? I was born near the ocean, and if anyone were to ask the one object I would describe myself as, it would be the ocean.

It is beautiful on the surface. With ebbs and flows and holdings for many people, it carries many weights and lets the sun shine down on it. Sometimes it tosses those things around for it needs to be alone. Sometimes it gets angry and hurt when people hurt the things inside it, and if a person is lucky, it will open itself up to them and allow them to explore the depths.

And oh, it is terrifying. It is a mystery. With so many thoughts swirling about, there are secrets it won't tell anyone, universes glistening from the light refracting upon it, and scary caves that it hides in darkness.

But it is so vast and expansive that it would take a thousand lifetimes to discover its potential, and if one can only scratch the surface, he will be rewarded for life.

And perhaps all humans are like the ocean, with our secrets and depths and desires to be known. Why do we build up dams against people, or allow them to block our streams? If we can only remember how deep and vast and beautiful each of us are, not only will we pay no heed to those who try to harm us, but we will cease harming others.

The day began in a sleepy haze. It had been months since I viewed that long stretch of road between my home and our destination, and I would sleep for half an hour, then in a half-sleep daze photograph the scenery outside the car window, only to fall back asleep on my brothers' shoulders. This cycle repeated four times.

It seems that every time I go whale watching, the weather is perfect and all the animals are alive. Our guide repeatedly would say, "The weather is not usually like this," or "This usually doesn't happen," or "We usually don't see this many whales" and it just made me smile because we saw an abundance of life and I knew it would happen. I always have an intuition when something will happen but it always catches me slightly off guard when something happens right when I say it will. Right when I step out onto the deck, a whale pokes its back right in front of me (it actually scared me for a moment because it suddenly appeared). Or, "Oh yeah, once I put my camera down, that whale will come up again," and then five whales suddenly appear. Then five more. Then three different groups of porpoises. Then three bald eagles. Then clear skies and a glass-silent ocean. Call it coincidence if you will, but I have yet to experience an uneventful day on the ocean.

With rising and falling of waves and with wind-tousled hair in my face, the only stretch of land blocking the Pacific Ocean is Hawaii, an unknown land to me hundreds of miles away. And between it and I? Nothing but water with leagues of teeming life and salt and that is just a terrifying and beautiful thought to me, how there can be so much and I'll only see a tiny bit of the surface. Who knows what lurks right underneath my swaying feet? The darkness scares me, but there is a certain beauty in it, for without the shadows there is no light.

And oh man, I just love the ocean. I love how unpredictable it is and how the mountains fall into it and how the light shimmers on it and how the cute little animals poke their heads through it and play hide-and-seek in it and how it feels on my skin and how it smells in my nose and how when I lay down at night in my own bed I can close my eyes and feel myself rocking with the rise and fall of the waves. And I pretend that in that moment I am actually connected to the ocean, feeling what it does in real time, responding to it, allowing it to lull me to sleep. And maybe that's not so far from the truth? At least I like to think that way.

ceramics haul

purple cups

You can check out my ceramics haul from last year here. While I didn't make as many pieces this time around as I did last year, I feel like these were much more successful. I wanted to really focus on making lighter pieces and experimenting more with glaze, so I think I succeeded (or at least scratched the surface).

My first project were these cups. I made a bunch with the intention of selling them, but I won't be able to until I am reunited with them, as I had to leave them behind in storage. They were actually dipped in the same glaze, purple haze, and the varying colors resulted from the cups being on different shelves in the kiln. I loved the surprise of it all.




green mugs

I don't think I achieved the optimal mug form yet, but these are certainly a lot closer than last years efforts. A friend recommended a combination of emerald green and splattered black pearl, and I loved it so much I dipped a bunch of things in the combination. (I also made Matt a scuttle bowl with the same colors, but unfortunately didn't photograph it before I gave it to him.)



planters

These were an attempt to make the perfect cylinder, and while I'm not very good at making tall things, I at least made the short things straight! I envision these holding herbs, and wanted to mimic the layers of earth in the glaze--grass, soil, and clay



tooth brush holder

This is meant to be more utilitarian than anything else. The cylinder holds my toothbrush, the middle container holds my floss, and the front container holds my retainer. Just a practical little piece for my bathroom.



diamond planter

This fun little diamond planter actually has holes in the sides so that it can be hung up. I imagine pretty little flowers poking out of the top.



soup bowl

This ugly thing is meant to hold soup and bread or crackers at the same time. Shortly after photographing all my pieces, I realized I could have made this bowl so much more attractive by putting the divider inside the bowl rather than outside it. Oh well, looks like I'll have to sign up for Advanced Ceramics now!



ring holder

A cute little wiener dog ring holder! I desperately needed one, so I stole the idea from the internet and recreated it.




sassy container

I made this thing mostly because the last thing I made with a lid was pretty ugly and I wanted another one. Tried to make it nice and cylindrical, added some sassy looking handles, and made a simple lid.



bowls

These photos do not do the glaze of the bowls justice. I tried very hard to make them as light as possible, and they turned out beautifully. I seriously cannot wait to eat yummy things out of them.



pitcher

And finally is this pitcher. I'm incredibly proud of it because it's the tallest piece I've ever made, and the glaze turned out amazing. It's nice and big and I imagine pretty spring flowers in it and it just makes me happy.

There were a couple other pieces I made, such as some plates and another planter, that were still in the kiln by the time I left, so I won't be able to see the results until I get back to Oregon. But all in all, I'm very proud of my pieces, and I can't wait to create some more!

goodbye, sophomore year

"Campus Delusion number one: "When I get out into life ..."
College days are not a time in which to prepare for life. College days are life. The weeks and months spent on a campus constitute a segment of the life of every student.
These days may be preparatory to a larger or even to a smaller life thereafter, but in any diary their record will always embody an actual part of the whole. They are life itself.

Campus Delusion number two: "Then I will ..."
It has been suggested that the "Devil's Soft Spot" is that imaginary time or place in which it will be easier to do what one should, rather than here and now. But life is made up of todays, which are lived one at a time. Any duty neglected today becomes more difficult tomorrow. The will power which should have directed the performance yesterday finds itself weakened by the procrastination until in reality the imagined soft spot of tomorrow turns out to be a harder spot of another today. Industry, regard for time, honesty, thrift, courtesy, helpfulness and all other desirable virtues must be incorporated into life today or never.

Campus Wisdom: "Hail to the morn! This is today!"
Whatever I desire for my life throughout the years to come I will, by the grace of God and careful effort, seek to incorporate therein today and throughout the succeeding days as they come one by one. For I realize that life is but the summation of daily living."

A message from Gervas Carey, my university's president in 1949



Oh what a year it has been. I was a different person at the beginning of sophomore year, and in some ways there has been more of a change in this one year period than the previous year. This has been such a year of growth and exploration in discovering my aesthetics, visions, and motivations. It's so weird how quickly sophomore year went by, and at the same time, the beginning of the year was a lifetime ago--a time before I went on the adventures, faced the challenges, and met amazing people that I have these last few months. This place has been a constant inspiration and motivation for me, and it's almost surreal how wonderful it is and how much I have fallen in love with it. It has given me countless opportunities and has blessed me more than I deserve.



Perhaps the two biggest achievements were the completion of the new yearbook and me winning the Triple "S" Award.

For the yearbook: a team of creatives got together with a unified desire to revamp the yearbook. As the senior photographer, I was responsible for most of the photos within the book, as well as writing a lot of articles. Even though each team member had a particular position, we all contributed in various ways and I couldn't be more proud of the 288 pages we completed together. It was a huge new experience for me, as I had never worked for any sort of publication before, but despite all the stress and sleepless nights and cups of coffee, it was completely worth it to hold The Student Collective in my hands. And now, for the upcoming year, I was hired for the position of Creative Director and will be leading the team for the second year of the collective.

For the Triple "S" Award: I won it last year and was completely blown away by the honor. This year, being the fourth year of the award, all the previous year's winners were competing again and I honestly didn't think I would get it. It seems like once every year (or maybe more often) I have an existential crisis where I question all my decisions in life, but then something like this occurs and everything is okay. It's such a humbling experience and I am truly truly thankful for the award and for everyone who encourages me, because without that encouragement, I don't think I would get very far.

There were also a couple other college publications I was featured in, but I am preparing an in-depth post about that.



And now I am back in Alaska, dreaming up adventures and working from home and everything is beautiful. I have a feeling this will be the best summer yet.

harp photoshoot

I have another fun shoot to share with you all! You can head on over to my photography blog to read more about it.

the laundromat

Be sure to check out the entire series here!

This photo series was to promote a play put on by one of the students I go to school with, and it was definitely a fun experience!

Director: Cambria Herrera
Hair + MUA: Sara Jodway
Costume: Alyssa Rands
Models: Sierra Brambila & Alanna Archibald

wrath

Hello all! I'm trying out something a bit different with blogging, and have decided to move all my photography related topics to my website. But don't worry, Introvert's Introduction will continue to be a diary/lifestyle sort of place and I will always create a post linking to my website when I post something new.

So if you want to check out some behind the scenes photos and the story behind this picture, be sure to check out my photo website here!

in my studio

undershirt/shorts: forever 21 // striped shirt: thrifted




Okay, the title is a little misleading because my "studio" was actually me momentarily taking over my roommate's room to take these photos ... but guys, I am so excited about this. My photo department at my university got brand new lighting equipment, and I finally got to try it out! I was beginning to feel like I was stuck with progressing in my photography, but now with actual lights to play with, I'm finally learning something new! With that in mind, these photos certainly aren't the best lighting in the world. But it was my first try, and it was sort of like seeing your favorite celebrity in real life--I was just a little starstruck with beautiful, glorious softboxes in front of me. Man, I am just so excited!




As for my outfit, I think I had three different people make some sort of referee comment, but whatever. Over spring break I found this shirt at a thrift store, and I've already worn it too many times to count. It's such a versatile piece and I'm starting to get an obsession for stripes, so this might not come off of my body for a while.

Happy Thursday everyone!

learning to wait while dreaming big

Perhaps it is being rather bored this spring break, or perhaps it is simply that standard time of the week, that I once again feel the need to A. Think of big ideas and plans for the future, and then B. Get incredibly discouraged and depressed about them.

First of all, let's talk about the dreaming big part. I firmly believe that nearly anything can be achieved if you set your mind to it. Most people never reach their full potential and it is only those who drive themselves farther that will fulfill their dreams. (Very, very few people are lucky, but most people work for what they get). During my junior high musician phase, I had a certain lyric I wrote (that I subsequently plastered everywhere) that went: "you can't live in your dreams tomorrow if you don't dream them today." And to an extent I still hold that angsty saying to be true. If you don't have a dream, then it won't come true. In more practical terms, if you don't have a plan to achieve something, then you won't achieve it. So dream the biggest, craziest dream you can, and then go after it. And be okay when the dream changes, or when you discover it wasn't quite what you wanted, because even in my twenty measly years of existence, my dreams have changed and I have to come to terms with that.



While the dream is in place, you must wait. While every other day I freak myself out by thinking, "Oh man, I only have two years left of school, and I have no plan for supporting myself (much less getting that dream job)," I also have to remind myself that, hey, I'm only twenty, hardly anybody has it figured out by now, and most people don't have it figured out when they're thirty (or forty, or fifty), and that's okay. For myself: it is seriously okay that I don't know how to get to where I want to go. It's okay that I am not qualified enough yet or outgoing enough yet or talented enough yet, because the great thing about the word "yet" is that it is conditional, and only I can remove it from the picture. And that takes time.



And it's okay that these things take time. While I'm waiting, it's important to plan, it's important (and okay!) to make mistakes, it's okay to not be proud of what I do, as long as I learn from those mistakes and keep trying. It's okay for the timing not to be right or for people to say "no" or for my knowledge and equipment to be limited. It's okay to not know everything. And it is certainly okay to fake it until I make it. That's all anyone can do anyways.



It's hard waiting for something that largely depends upon what I do with the time that I have. But coming to the realization that waiting is okay and necessary is the first step to achieving dreams.

fashion shoot // josi

A week ago I got to do a really fun photoshoot the the beautiful Josi! She is a fashion major and has a great sense of style, and I've been wanting to photograph her for a while. For my photography class, our weekly prompt was "at wit's end", which I interpreted as a quirky, grungy location since I really wanted to do a fashion shoot. At Wit's End, the people are really cool and like to match their environment, so Josi and I shot with colors in mind (specifically different hair colors), and I think they turned out quite nicely. This is certainly a bit different from what I usually do, simply because I haven't done a shoot that was exclusively fashion before (I mean, I've done senior shoots, which are pretty similar, and after doing this shoot I will definitely incorporate some things I learned into those). It was incredibly fun to hang out with Josi and make some cool images together!

Have a great Tuesday everyone!

spring vibes

dress/tights: forever 21 // weird short things: borrowed from my housemate // shoes: target // photos by Matt





Oh look, an outfit post! We Oregonians have had a bout of of sunshine and it's like a switch has been turned. You know those quintessential college photos that colleges use for advertisement? Well when the sun appears, the campus literally looks like that. Professors teaching their class on the quad, people laughing while laying on the grass, people playing frisbee ... it's pretty laughable how everyone flocks to the light. And you can bet that I was one of those people, braving the slight breeze in only a tank top (but chickening out with tights--which ended up being a good thing as Matt and I snapped these photos before our night classes and that walk home in the dark was cold!).

In other news:

1. I got a new backpack, which is a momentous occasion considering I've had the same backpack for like three years. My breaking point in purchasing a new one? A. I spilled hot chocolate all over the inside of my old one and didn't notice until it had dried up and was gross and I didn't want to wash it. B. I got an amazon giftcard and really wanted to waste three hours of my life reading countless backpack reviews on the internet.

2. Two of my pieces made it into the Student Art Show! One was this photo, and the other is yet to be released to the public (but will be shortly. And by shortly I actually mean next month. Maybe.)

3. I booked my first wedding of the summer! I'm so excited to be shooting another wedding. On top of that it is with an adorable and gorgeous couple, and on top of that I get to fly down and experience a taste of the Oregon summer. I'm so thankful that the couple is taking a chance on me, and I seriously cannot wait to spend the day documenting their big event!

4. Other than that, school is chugging along as usual. Spring break is in a mere week and a half, I'm getting my schedule for next year nailed down, and life is pretty cool.

(for study) film friday: beyond

Varanasi, India: "Beyond" from Cale Glendening on Vimeo.

If you don't do anything else this week, please watch this beautiful film about India's holy men. Though I do not identify myself with their religion, there are still many beautiful truths to take from what they believe.

First of all, there is the idea of disregarding consumerism and materialism. Though I myself don't feel it necessary to distance myself from this materialistic world, nor do I believe I am called to do that as an individual, it still is an important idea to not get caught up in all of the rush of technology and products. Not only is it true that new products will quickly become old and the current technology become obsolete, but it is also true that the earth and the natural world has been around for a while and will remain for a while yet. I would rather immerse myself in things that will last longer than things that are fleeting.

And second of all, they continually talk about being a light to the world. There is so much darkness and it does no good to continue to harbor hurtful or selfish concepts. It is so much better to spread joy and kindness to others, everyone, even those who do not deserve it. Especially those who do not deserve it. I want nothing more in life than to be a light to those around me, to spread understanding and comfort and knowledge, and to help those who need it. And really, everyone needs help. We are all broken people in need of companionship and I want to bring that companionship as best I know how.

So I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

(for study) film friday: lightspin

LightSpin Documentary Film from Eric Pare on Vimeo.

I haven't done a film friday in three months, but this video makes me want to bring the feature back. These photographs reminded me immediately of my own experiments with light in dark, though not even close to as amazing as Pare's work. (I can only imagine how emotional and unbelievably exciting it would have been to create this project!)

In my Philosophy of the Arts class, we are constantly debating about art, what makes art art, what it means, and how it affects people. It's one of my favorite classes because I love higher thinking and don't always get to talk about or listen to it, and it's higher thinking about art, no less. A couple days ago we talked about whether photography is art or not, and read one philosopher who was adamant about it not being art. His main argument was that where paintings are all about representation of the general (ie a painting of a woman is seen as a painting of Venus), a photograph is only a photograph of a representation (ie a photograph of a woman is seen as a photograph of a woman representing Venus). Since the photograph depicts a specific woman, and since there is no way for the photographer to generalize her appearance to become the representation, rather than just represent it, then photography is not art.

Of course, he is absolutely wrong, and the entire class agreed, and I think this film is an excellent example of how a photographer is really not limited in the things he can achieve. He is not limited to a specific person or a specific place, or even a specific way of looking at the world (scientifically, we cannot see at night). He is not limited to reality, as the philosopher in question would say that photographers are limited to. Where a painter paints with colors, photographers paint in light.

As my own photography professor would say over and over again, "It's all about the light." And each day I learn more about how that statement is true. I love light. I love studying the way light filters through tree leaves, how rays are formed from the tops of buildings, how even a laptop light can illuminate the face. And I'm fascinated by internal light. Those things that make us content and joyful. The reason for our existence. It really is all about the light.

winter blues

A couple weekends ago, Oregon received several solid inches of snow. School was canceled and laundry baskets, cardboard boxes, anything with a slippery surface to sled down the slightly inclined roads were taken out. It was so funny watching the boys slide down hills while inside our warm apartment! The extent of my snow playing was taking photos, but is that really so surprising? Anyways, I particularly enjoyed this outfit with my new skirt. One day I caved and got it because it was basic and on sale and I could picture myself wearing it with many things. It's funny though, now that I'm too busy to blog outfits on a regular basis, I've been pretty relaxed with my clothing choices. It doesn't help that I have ceramics in the middle of the day three times a week, so I usually opt for pants anyways. Maybe once the yearbook is sent off to the printers I'll have a spare moment to take some outfit photos myself. Wouldn't that be crazy?

I hope you all have a wonderful Monday!

Life Update

Here is a little life update for you all, as I haven't posted too much about my personal life in a while. Things are busy, but good. If it wasn't required for class, I would probably take a blog hiatus due to all the things going on. The biggest thing is our school's yearbook, which is being transformed this year by myself and a team of amazing, creative people. I have been so blessed by getting to work on this project, and with the print deadline coming up very quickly, I am barely swimming above water to get everything done. Contacting businesses and teams, gathering instagram photos, taking photos, interviewing, and writing articles, it has been and will be a hectic couple of weeks! But the wonderful thing is, everyone on our team is very invested and we won't rest (literally. We have scheduled a couple all nighters to work on the book) until it is amazing. If you want to watch a cool video about the yearbook, you should look here.

Another big thing is getting my university's Art and Design Blog underway. It's slowed down a bit due to technicalities in getting it set up, but I am very excited about it. Hand-in-hand with that is a design agency that we are trying to found, but that is still in the pre-production stage.

Then, and I am very excited to announce this, I got an internship! A couple weeks ago I mentioned going for an interview on instagram, but didn't say anything else about it because I wasn't sure I would get it. But I did, so here we are. It's during this school year, for a wedding photographer, and I'll be doing stock photography for him--keywording things, setting up photoshoots, making money, all that jazz. I am very excited for this opportunity and can't wait to start it in the next few weeks!


Other random things in my life:

1. Matt and I celebrated our three year anniversary yesterday, and I love him more every single day.
2. For my photography class, I have to take pictures of strangers, and it's been stretching me in the best way. (Doesn't make it any less terrifying!)
3. Today I got to hold a sugar glider! Now I have to figure out a way to get one for myself.


Other than that, it's the daily grind of schoolwork, photography work, and trying to get a nap in any time I can. But life is good. And I am happy.